Endorsements

A collection of random thoughts on things you should be doing because it's a new year and in the new year we try new things. Or revisit old things. Or just make an effort to not be so completely antisocial. Maybe.

Hockey is back!

Aren't you thrilled? I am!

The NHL version of hockey is still stuck in a protracted lockout, which I have my fingers in my ears about because it's otherwise too depressing when they're all "We're thiiiiiiisss close to an agreement! AHAHAH! Just kidding!" As I have actual knowledge of how negotiations should work (thanks, useless law school education!), it's all the more infuriating and I'm like, "COME ON! Get your shit together!"

AHAHA! I should have hit publish on this before 2 a.m. Saturday night, huh? BECAUSE THEY GOT A DEAL DONE! Miracle of miracles! We'll ignore what a posturing clusterfuck the whole thing was and that if you really want a deal done you stop worrying about positioning and show up in July to negotiate saying, "The fans are more important than looking like we "won" the deal" but we'll let that slide for this precise moment because NHL HOCKEY! We're all Stanley Cup contenders right now! Even the Isles! Hope springs eternal! Or until Ovi forgets to go on D and the opposing team makes an early score. HOCKEY!

ANYWAY...as I originally intended to say, before I got a super fun chest cold and this got sidetracked is:

SF went and got itself its very own minor league team with the ECHL Bulls. And they're pretty awesome.

Spinster

It's a lot of whining so you're forced to click after the jump if you want to indulge.

Holidaze Travel

First an apology: this is getting up late, as I was busy with the holiday season. But you were similarly busy so you didn't really miss me, did you?

Oh man do I love Christmas time. I'm like the reverse Grinch. I hate everything else all the time but put some lights on a tree and I'm all big eyed wonder. And carols! And all the glittering everything! From wrapping paper to sequined tops! (How did we decide sequined clothing is appropriate for the holidays/New Year and then Easter is all pastels? Who made that a thing? Why can't I wear sequins to Easter brunch?) Christmas trees with ornaments! Puppies in windows for adoption! All the baked goods ever! Tidings of good cheer!

Holiday Romances

Did you know there is an entire subset of the Romcom genre of simply holiday themed romances? There is!

This time of year, Hallmark Channel, Lifetime and ABC Family trot out some version of "25 days of..." involving holiday movies. Some of them are tried and true classics. A lot of them are produced especially for these networks.

Hair, Long Beautiful Hair

First off: sorry for the brief writing hiatus. Especially after I got a few compliments in the interim. Something about not dealing well with success/compliments goes [here].

It's the holidays which is a flurry of emotions (mostly unpleasant ones and me trying to avoid that petulant behavior that reminds me of being a teenager) and activity and nail biting and reevaluating just about everything. So... *exasperated sigh*

A brief update on the goings on: much BNBD (acronym: booze 'n' bad decisions, attributable to the much beloved stepsister, for those of you unfamiliar with it...and I now just explained an acronym, rendering it effectively useless) while watching the Ole Miss game at the LSU bar.

Thanksgiving was actually pretty decent and I executed the entire meal, cooked on my own for 9 people, flawlessly, if I do say so myself.

And everything since then, well, see above: *exasperated sigh*

So that's where we're at.

Anyway. Not what we're here to talk about today.

We are going to talk about something I know I obsessed over in the past but haven't touched on much in recent memory at all: hair. My hair, in particular.

Pirates & Wooden Legs

Yesterday I was parking by the gym on Ocean Avenue, when a man drove by with his window down while his kid hopped out of the car. On his outstretched right arm was a rather large African Grey parrot. Or Macaw. I'm not a bird expert. One of those big, colorful parrots. Which squawked loudly as I glanced, as it was facing me as our cars passed, both with windows down.

I was concerned about the parrot's safety. Wasn't he worried it was gonna fly out the window and never return? It just seemed unsafe. Maybe parrots are attached to their humans? Loyal? I have no idea. (I also HATE when people drive with their dogs on their laps. Or even with the dog's head hanging well out the window. Totally unsafe! For the dog!) (Yes, I sound 800 years old.)

Seeing a person driving with a parrot on their arm is weird. But this is San Francisco and this city is nothing if not quirky.

Then today I am driving back from hiking Land's End with the dog when as I proceed through St. Francis Circle, there is a lady emerging from St. Francis Wood with a giant white parrot on her shoulder. WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?! I mean, what are the chances of seeing two entirely different people on two consecutive days each out and about with their parrots?

I text this to my mom, who I had told about the dude with the parrot the previous day, when she retorts, "Maybe there's a pirate convention." Momz got jokes.

I, of course, tweet the information, because if you don't tweet about it, it doesn't exist. Someone from Twitter responds, "You should be on alert for men with wooden legs!"

The mention of wooden legs brings to mind one thing and one thing only:

That, folks, is my all time favorite joke.

It even gets a call back later in the movie:

It's the best (only?) joke built around improper antecedent use. And I LOVE it. It makes me laugh uncontrollably the way that images of Snoopy dancing do. (I also absolutely love Mary Poppins, as it's quite a poignant movie, which a reviewer I trust recently revisited and came to the same conclusion.)

I told the person on Twitter that her mention of wooden legs conjured this joke for me, and relayed the joke to her.

She said she wanted to see it for herself (understandable) and while looking for the clip, she stumbled upon a Yahoo! Answer about the joke. It. Is. Priceless.

Question: 

Mary Poppins - you know the joke " i know a man with a wooden leg "?
what does it mean ? i've tried over and over to understand the meaning as to why it is so funny .. . but i still don't get it .

here's the joke :
there are two men and one man goes " i know a man with a wooden leg named smith " and the other says " what's the name of the other leg? "
helllpp ?

Best Answer: 

I know a man named Smith who has a wooden leg.
But he named it Jones.
I also have a friend who has a dog with no legs. He named the dog cigarette. Every night he takes it out for a drag.

The future! (You can read the whole thread for yourself here.)