Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Well that was interesting...

Today was weird. In a sort of surreal way. I was hanging out at the beach house, staying in bed way too late, not really wanting to face the day. I finally got out of bed and hadn't been up and about for more than a half an hour when my mom called. I was hesitant to answer because it's usually some annoying thing like "What are you doing with your day?" type question. She wanted to know if I was back at her house yet. I took this as a "get home" request but she wanted to know because the alarm company had called and the alarm was going off. I told her no, I wasn't. I could tell that she was at the dog park with the dogs and my stepdad and thus our house was, as it so rarely is, completely empty.

I didn't really think anything more of it, sometimes the alarm goes off because we do idiotic things or was just being picky or the alarm was faulty or, who knows... and went back to what I was doing, wanting to enjoy my morning of nothingness at the beach. But I did have pressing stuff to get back to in an attempt to get my room together before the new year rings (ah, arbitrary calendar dates to which we impute importance!), so I headed East.

When I arrived at home, there were two police cars in front of my house and I walked in the kitchen to find three uniformed officers with my mom and stepdad. Apparently our back door had been broken to bits. Nothing was taken, as the alarm went off as soon as the door was opened, and everything was fine and the officers, who are my mom's coworkers and one of whom was my stepdad's long time work partner, were just standing in the kitchen bantering about stupid cop stuff.

The whole thing was reduced to giggles because we were all fine. Frankly, I'm more upset that someone in NY won megamillions and I have to go back to looking for honest work. Sigh.

The one cop in the kitchen was cute, in that very boyish way, though he swore a lot and kept his sunglasses pushed up just above his eyebrows the entire time he was here. I hadn't showered in two days and was in just this side of pajamas. Pretty sure I'm destined to stay single forever at this point.

After the cops eventually left, my stepdad cursed, "Man! Why don't they ever try to do this when I'm home?! I want to shoot somebody!" I later pondered that defense of home with violent force to simply protect property sort of goes against the theory of self defense and he'd probably be held to an even higher standard since he's trained in use of force, but a) no one in my family cares what I have to say when it comes to legal stuff and b) the law still has this "man is the king of his castle" thing built into it so he probably could shoot someone. And c) moot, nothing happened.

I eventually made my way downstairs to take a look at the back door and contemplate what I would have done had I been home alone, though I have a feeling this person wouldn't have attempted it if he thought anyone was home. When I got to our family room, I saw that the wood frame of the door and the deadbolt around it had been completely splintered and taken out. Also in the family room was my laundry basket full of folded clean clothes with lots of underwear. Great. When the cops did the walk through of my house, they got a good look at my underwear. Awesome. I find this a bit embarrassing. When I mentioned my reaction to Linds she said, "Hahahahahaha. I seriously respect your priorities lees." What can I say? Still a girl.

As my mom and I went to pick up sandwiches a little bit later she said, "Well, since they can't fix the back door just yet, we're gonna have to keep the door at the top of the stairs locked. Since you're home alone tomorrow, if anyone tries to get in, just take the gun off the kitchen counter and point and shoot. It'll recoil a bit but you'll be fine. Then you can do that 5 more times. Okay?"

That's the exact conversation. This is my mother's recommendation. I didn't argue it but yeah, not happening. I'll likely just pick up the landline and call 911 should anyone decide to break in while I'm home. If the gun is then still necessary, eh, sure, why not? But I'm gonna guess that considering this person tried, figured out we have a working alarm system, and didn't leave with anything, they aren't coming back.

We waited on CSI to come and fingerprint the area and do whatever else it is they do and then our contractor came over and nailed the door shut, ordering a replacement door. And the alarm has been reset so everything is in working order and mostly back to normal.

I really can't believe they didn't take ANYTHING though and I guess that's why criminals are criminals and not rocket surgeons (yes, I know what I typed, it's a lame in-joke). The alarm goes off but if you assume no one is home (which I now realize is a risky assumption), police response time to an alarm has got to be at least five minutes. And the alarm company doesn't send someone right away. The alarm company call the emergency contact numbers and try to get hold of someone making sure it's not just a faulty alarm. And we don't live in some utopia where neighbors would pay any attention to an alarm so you really don't run the risk of them popping over to see what's going on. I mean, I pay attention to alarms but I'm the nosey ass daughter of cops so I don't hold myself out as the standard. Still, let's say you, criminal mastermind, have five minutes to grab whatever is in your immediate vicinity like the flat screen TV and the laptop in our family room, no? I'd do that. You already put in the effort breaking down the door, which no one heard or responded to and couldn't possibly be a quiet endeavor, you should get something for your effort. But I'm probably being too logical about it.

I'm also curious if there is a spike of burglaries right around the holidays as valuables are generally stacked in one room waiting to be gifted to other people. These are the things I think. Along with, "If I shot the gun it would turn out exactly like in that stupid Katherine Heigl movie I watched last night."

(Oh come on, no it wouldn't. I wouldn't screech like that. And no way in god's green earth I'd ever do my hair like that. So it couldn't be exactly like that.)

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