Monday, April 23, 2012

Sunny and Inside

For those of you who don't live in San Francisco, and haven't read everything I've ever written: our weather hovers around 60. With that comes a ton of fog. It's not the worst place to live, obviously, but I tend to thrive in absurd heat. I lived in South Louisiana for a few years and absolutely adore high heat with high humidity. Never have any doubt that I'm really weird.

Because of our coastal location next to a valley, we only get about 8 days a year that aren't 60 and foggy. A few weeks ago we got a thunderstorm and everyone was like, "WTF? What IS this? I don't even..." (TK killed it writing about the thunderstorm.) Our weather is consistent: 60, foggy.

This weekend we've got sun. And warmth. Lots of sun and warmth.

None of which I am out actually enjoying.

It'd be perfect to go walk along the beach or join the hippies at Dolores Park (I would never). Partly I'm not out because I have noticed in my old age I am incredibly crowd averse. Ugh. People. Everywhere.

But the other part of it is because I have a hockey watching disorder. I spent all of a gorgeous Saturday inside watching game after game after game. One of which was mine. Which we won.

But then Sunday rolled around and we played again. And we lost. And I swore and I jumped up and down and I hated my guy friend for ever introducing me to something that I got so thoroughly obsessed with. We now have to play a Game 7 in Boston. That won't be fraught or anything.

A friend asked me via gchat what I did all weekend. "Uh...watched hockey?" You guys. I have got to get out of the house.

In fairness, I hiked Land's End with the dog twice last week. The dog is the best. When she's not the worst. But the fact that I talk to her in a way that I would never to people ever (nicely) and I looked at her today and said, "I love you the most" was a bit troubling. Do the rest of you have such interactions with real people? I'm curious...

Then I got yelled at for watching too much hockey. Well, I got yelled at for not having a job by a woman who has had the same one for 28 years and thinks if you just walk into MoFo you magically get employed. It wasn't really yelling. It was a discussion but any conversation between a mother and a daughter immediately plays out with the daughter turning into a 15 year old in relation to the mother, and having a knee jerk angry and defiant reaction even if she has valid points. At least in my world it does. And most of my friends too. Whenever people start to tell me about their issues with their moms, I'm like, don't bother, I get it. Without you saying anything, I know. She's a mom. I use #lolmomz a lot on Twitter because...Moms, ya know? I know.

I'd like to have a job. A purpose. A direction. A little bit of money. But honestly? I haven't figure it out. I apply to stuff. And then sort of hope I don't get it because it sounds soul sucking and awful. I've been told to network but when you make it "Network", I panic. I don't do crowds. I can't watch the show Girls because it's too much like my real life and when Hannah, Lena Dunham's character, made the joke in the last episode at a job interview that went just a little too far and made things awkward, I totally related. Absolutely related.

There's also a natural inferiority complex about my ability as an attorney at all and what I'm doing with my life and that I should be doing it better and harder but I don't even know what IT is. So what am I supposed to do? What am I even gonna be good at? I'd like to think I could be good at anything but I don't know.

Ugh. Sorry, this was not supposed to devolve into a "Lisa has major insecurities post" but it did.

Anyway. A general hatred of people, including myself, and too much hockey to watch is why I will not be going outside to enjoy the weather. I hope you guys do so on my behalf.

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