Friday, September 21, 2012

Minor Rants

I totally read my own title that I just typed as "Minor Ants". I may not have slept very well. And then woke up from some weird dreams mad at myself, because I slept through a CLE I should have gone to, for no other reason than I am a lazy, horrible human being.


Let's talk about stupid shit that bothers me lately, shall we?

1. Nail Art. Do you know what nail art is? It's when women, presumably teenage girls, spend I don't even want to know how long painting fancy designs, and sometimes entire scenes ON THEIR FINGERNAILS. Now, I realize this is a faulty correlation but women of the world: can we spend time curing diseases, learning important things, hell, even painting actual works of art, rather than playing with the goddamn temporary art of our fingers? Please? For the love of christ?

A lovely pastoral...on your nails. 
I realize I am ever so slightly hypocritical here because I do love a good manicure, which can take an hour and a half out of a day. And I've been known to sit in my kitchen and paint my own nails when I'm too poor to get a manicure. So, often. I like shiny glittery nail polishes. Hey, I'm not immune. But this whole high art on your nails thing, which I have to imagine takes quite a bit of time, just strikes me as incredibly ridiculous. Says person who plays bejeweled mindlessly on her phone during down times.

Fine, fine. I'll shut up now. Go paint your nails with absurd scenes. It's actually probably the least absurd (and safe!) use of teenager time out there. (God, I hope it's teenagers doing this. Because I am not taking any grown ass adult with the below scene on her nails seriously.)

2. Justin Bieber "As Long As You Love Me".

Oh man. I listen to a lot of pop music. Mostly because I'm in my car going to/from the gym and I like vaguely pump up music. So I've heard this Bieber song a time or two. And it enrages me.

And now that I've watched the video on youtube that involves Michael Madsen and an 18 year old PROFESSING HIS UNDYING LOVE, in the vein of that Paula Abdul/Keanu Reeves video (dating myself), I'm even more enraged. (Using a payphone in it, no less. LOLOLOL.)

(Almost 50 million views, America? Probably played on repeat while creating nail art.) (I took a chance with google to see if Biebs and nail art intersected. Yeeeeep.)

Mostly I hate the song for the following lyrics line (I realize now that my music aficionado friends are like, "Bitch, that ain't a lyric." So I'm fixing it):

"As long as you love me, we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke."

Sure, multimillionaire, platinum recording artist with legions of teen girl fans, a hot Disney actress girlfriend, and still a teenager yourself, tell me all about how love, something I question your knowledge of, will overcome being poor, a reality, in all likelihood, you will never have to deal with unless your manager and shady entourage figures rip you off. Please. Expound more on this topic. I can't wait to hear what you have to say.

"I'll be your soldier,
Fighting every second of the day for your dreams, girl
I'll be your Hova
You can be my Destiny's Child on the scene girl
So don't stress, don't cry, we don't need no wings to fly
Just take my hand"

Well when you put it THAT way, Biebs... (And by "that way" I mean barely making sense. You actually do need wings to fly, or else you'll just fall. And likely die. Feel free to use the last two sentences in your own lyrics.)

3. Taylor Swift. "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together". You can find that song here.

I actually can't get past the opening notes. I immediately change the station if I hear it. I can not stand Taylor Swift. And this song just strikes me as more of her absurd, inane, teenage girl anthem bs. Gurl, he doesn't want to get back together with your bouncy pony-tail, wearing glasses to look more intellectual self either. Shut up about it already.

Once upon a time, my cousin's cousin, while drunk, played Swift's Love Story over and over and over. It was then that I developed my deep dislike. Because she's comparing her and her teen boyfriend to Romeo and Juliet. Without, apparently, having ever actually read Romeo and Juliet and missing that EVERYONE DIES IN THE END! I also just listened to the song for the purposes of this post (you're welcome) and she name checks The Scarlet Letter in there  ("'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter"). Again, without having any fucking idea what that novel is about. I'm gonna guess her high school English grades weren't that great. Also: what does "I was a scarlet letter" in relation to Romeo and Juliet even mean? I'm likely thinking way too hard about this. But there should be a class where teenagers dissect their favorite pop songs for being utterly nonsensical. (This coming from a person with a slight "Call Me Maybe" obsession.)

I do give her points for punking John Mayer though. That was great. A grown ass guy got all in a tizzy over a barely legal girl writing songs about him. That's the only thing I'll give her points for though.

But mostly, if we're gonna discuss small, speedy birds, this is the only discussion we're gonna have:

And with that, I bid you a good weekend. I'm home, keeping a low profile in anticipation of the big party next weekend, watching LSU play Auburn at 5 on Saturday. What are your plans?

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