Friday, January 2, 2015

New Year Resolutions

Oh hey there!

So as you can imagine I made a 2015 goal to get back to writing, which I did pretty much not at all last year. Hence this very post! I'm still futzing around with how that's going to look. I'm not sure I'll keep this a public blog or do something more private but...anyway. Here we are. Talking New Years Resolutions.

I have, like, a million. Or 5. Same thing.

It seems a good, big, important year for me to try and do me better. Because dunno. I got married and that was awesome/scary/insane/crazy in that he's awesome but general consensus seems to be that 2014 SUCKED. So let's start new, mkay?

1) Well. Honestly. One is to be forgiving. For a lot of reasons that no one wants to hear, I ended up pretty traumatized by the whole giant wedding thing. Which has alienated me from...everyone. And as I work on forgiving people for being generally selfish assholes, I know I need to work harder on that. And I need to work on forgiving myself. Which is frankly even harder. This is likely to lead to some frank and painful discussions, even with the amazing husband, but it needs to be done so I can move on. So we can all move on.

2) Read more books. Actual books. I scroll through the internet all day long. I know pop culture and bits of gossip. I tweet A LOT. But the me who would spend hours in her room voraciously gobbling up a story as a kid now has the attention span of a gnat. And I get jealous of my speed reading husband, always suspicious that there's no actual way he can read that fast and read that many books. I want to do that! Except not that because I read slowly. So a) I would like to work on focusing. But b) I'd like to dedicate myself a little bit and read more and get lost in stories. So let's call this 20 pages a day of whatever book I choose. Seems reasonable, no?

3) As mentioned, write more. At the very least I should be doing a 5 minute a day writing check in. With myself. Maybe even going back to a written journal? I dunno. But let's start with that: 5 minutes a day.

4) I need to get healthy. I'm not going to say lose weight, even though I do, because it's just such a depressing goal that seems like it's about deprivation. Also I'm at an age and place where being a size 6 to impress dudes and be the perfect ideal vision of "beauty" is not something I give a flying fuck about. Maybe also because I got married? But I'd like to not huff and puff walking up stairs and not think my gut is constantly in the way and to have my clothes fit better. To not panic when tables are tightly packed at a restaurant because how in hell is my fat ass going to squeeze between them? So I'm gonna get one of those fitbit thingys and work on my 10k steps a day. And work on making whatever incremental changes I can with regard to food while not depriving myself of things that I love (I'm talking about you, potatoes).

5) Related to the food thing: I'm going to shop at the Saturday farmer's market in my cow town weekly. I have to do a lot of animal law stuff, which is bizarre, but also kind of depressing. One of the recent trainings on animal law I came out of questioning my food sources. And after discussing it with the husband, I was like, "But how sustainable is that? Like, yes, I'd love organic free range everything but is that realistic? And how far do you extend that out? Your meat? Your eggs? Your cheese? While still not spending a fortune on food and not becoming some crazy earth mother hippie non deodorant wearing type?" And since I live in a town that doesn't even HAVE the organic free range market, I sort of just went 'pshaw' and went about my daily life. But the truth is we have a weekly farmer's market (twice weekly in the summer) and if I get my ass out of bed on Saturdays, I can get farm fresh eggs for only slightly more than the store prices and good, in season produce that's grown RIGHT HERE, Ag capital OF THE COUNTRY. (That we don't have smaller stores is of course still an issue.) This seems so simple, and yet so easily forgettable, and as such, I am vowing to do this tomorrow and for every week thereafter so that what I put in my gob is not mass produced, flavorless junk.

There are more. There are a million things I want to fix. I want to be organized. I want to clean regularly. I want to figure out where the hell my money is going and manage it appropriately. I want to work on building my marriage because although we're still newlyweds I come from divorced folk and I don't want to be divorced folk. I want to pay attention to my needs and wants and figure out how to achieve them. I want to hike more and travel more and be some zen nirvana ideal of a BETTER PERSON.

But for now, let's start with those five things. Five simple enough things. And build from there.

I wish all of you the very best in this new year and please drop me a line. I miss you all!

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