I think, occasionally, I like the IDEA of traveling more than the ACTUALITY of traveling. I realized in contemplating how to find some unsuspecting male to check my tire pressure (something I promised my mom that I would do that I am sure if I don't actually do will lead to a flat tire on the middle of the freeway and thus ample embarrassment) that this is the longest solo adventure I have ever taken. Hysterical this would suddenly make me anxious when at one point early in the summer I was going to do the entire Western U.S. solo.
It's more a lack of a plan that makes me nervous. I am not a go with the flow traveler. I would like to be a go with the flow traveler, full of spontaneity and letting the wind take me where it may. I was actually pretty close to this way in Europe. But this trip? Suddenly there was a "To Vegas or not to Vegas" debate that still hasn't been resolved. I am suddenly paralyzed to make a decision. I HATE when I get like this! Just pick one and let the chips fall where they may! I know it will all ultimately be fine. I am a picky hotel stayer. (Yes, I'm a freaking princess, bite me.) I'm suddenly concerned that my student loans are going to run out right this second and I'll be SCREWED (I just paid my credit card off. Oompf, that was a punch in the gut.) So what say ye of the Vegas debate? I'm suddenly not sure I'm up to that level of debauchery. But on the other hand it might be good for me? I'm willing to leave this up to a last minute decision and see how we feel say, Thursday night/Friday morning. (God love the internet and the ability to make a last second hotel reservation.)
All these thoughts also have me nervous about LSU in September and that as of this second I am going on that adventure solo. Book your flights, people! And I have to book the BR hotel! And car rental. And get game tickets.
There is the I5 v. 101 debate. 101 is a bit longer but I think prettier and has less traffic. So not a debate?
There is the "What are we actually going to DO?" debate. I mean, really, I should be fine sitting on the beach in Long Beach and doing nothing. I should be thrilled to see sun, something that has been completely absent from San Francisco all summer. But we ended up doing nothing productive in a week of New Orleans and I don't really want a repeat of that. I'm just feeling...antsy. Maybe I'll be better when I get on the road tomorrow?
There is also the "My stepsister is gorgeous and I'm a troll by comparison and thus am going to have to watch her flirt in bars while I feel like chopped liver" silliness. It's silly. And yet even knowing that I start to ponder it. But I shouldn't because she's amazing and funny and we have a good time together. I do have to remember that she eats like five pieces of lettuce and can survive for a week so I will either not eat, as well, or need to remind myself not to feel odd when I am actually in need of food. She'll also probably push me on my work outs. That should be good. Something about the Mardi Gras half marathon in February...
There was the potential for someone joining me this weekend in L.A. and I think, if I'm really honest about it, there are feelings of disappointment from that and that I would rather, on some level, stay up here and see that person. But also reminding myself that I hate when I turn into a chick and do stuff like that (in the name of a boy) and that I need to have my own fun. (Yes, that's all perfectly vague. Whatever. You should all be smart enough to read between the lines at this point.)
So really I'm just writing this all out to get at the root of it and hopefully get beyond it.
Now I can go back to whittling down the 10 pairs of shoes I feel it is necessary to bring to a more manageable 5.
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