Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Vegas, baby, Vegas

(That line is truly obligatory when discussing Vegas, isn't it?)

(For my money, and a soft spot for 80s Tom Cruise, this scene is better. Because nothing says familial love like abusing your autistic brother for his card counting skills.)

I'm going to Vegas in a little less than two weeks. I haven't been to Vegas in four years or so and that time I went with a significant other. I have never gone to Vegas as an unattached adult. The opportunity for so many bad decisions awaits! But not mine. Nope. Not mine.

I'm going with Andy. Who is, we all know, younger than me. And has yet to make a single bad decision is his life. Like, seriously, frighteningly together. Annoyingly, even. So my goal is to get HIM to make bad decisions. First challenge, "I won't get drunk. I mean, it'd take a lot."

Wait, was that a challenge? I feel like that was a challenge. I feel like years of South Louisiana rum and coke followed by whiskey and coke followed by straight whiskey and a fool proof recipe for jello shots should take that as a challenge. It's the height weight distribution thing making him believe it will take a lot to get him drunk because Andy's tall. So you tall people, how do we get you drunk? It's also the frighteningly well behaved thing which I've promised to beat out of him that keeps him from getting drunk. Because I am not going to Vegas (which I'm truly doing some toe tapping to afford) to behave. Nope. I could do that here. I don't want to be here.

I'm bummed the stepsis is having her wisdom teeth pulled and not making the drive to join us because she's more his peer and even I'm incapable of resisting her peer pressure. He'd be helpless.

In trip planning, we had the following conversation:

Andy: We're going to In-n-Out, by the way. Maybe more than once.
me: Yes, we can go to In N Out. But as I previously mentioned, we are also going to Canes. And so help me god there will be at least one sit down meal at a restaurant that would be acceptable in SF and you will drink wine and be fancy and not complain
Andy: I know.
http://www.raisingcanes.com/ -- I assume this is not what you mean.
me: That is exactly what I meant.
Andy: Oooooh, that looks good.
me: not for the sit down part, no
but for the going to Canes, yes, that is what I mean

Andy is from Florida and has thus never had the pleasure of In N Out. Or anything passing for cuisine. Ever. (Why yes, I do enjoy mocking Florida. It should really be a national pastime.) Cane's was a staple in my college town. As the chain has expanded, the furthest West it has ventured is Vegas. So the entirety of our plan so far involves fast food. Gonna be fat foooorrreeevvveeerrrr.

I should also point out that I'm a terrible gambler. I feel totally intimidated at the tables, like I'm a complete idiot and don't know what I'm doing. Which is how I should feel because it's true. I like blackjack because the principal is simple. Get to 21 without going over. But as I've played it a bit, I also know it requires paying attention to the rest of the table because it matters how many cards have been dealt out. It's not so much chance as it is stats. Which I am awful with and never took in college.

Poker requires too much paying attention and I'm seriously ADD and unable to remember all the different what beats what. Plus I want to play EVERY HAND to see how it's gonna come out. I don't like folding. Which makes me probably a really annoying person to sit at a poker table with.

I really want to like craps and play but am totally intimidated by the table, again, as said above. I watched Guys and Dolls far too many times growing up, which unfortunately does very little to explain the rules of the game. Same stepsis won a ton at craps in New Orleans but that's because she was doing that cute doe eyed thing which I am wholly incapable of pulling off.

So mostly I'm going to sit by the pool, drink, eat, and hopefully go to one of those ridiculous Vegas nightclubs if I can get my brother, or one of his well connected friends, to help me get on a list somewhere. Though I'd also be cool with one of the divier bars I know exist in hidden corners of Vegas. And yes, I'll probably throw $25 on black and see what happens. Or red. Black. No, no, red. Maybe. I do like black...

If you have any suggestions on a place for a nice not too pricey meal, or the best place to gamble without looking like an idiot, or a place for some nightlife, send 'em along. I could seriously use some suggestions.

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