Friday, July 29, 2011

Summer TV Watching

(As a bunch of heavy shit important stuff rattles around my brain and I contemplate how to deal with it/continue avoiding real life, I take this moment to give you a guide to summer TV watching.)

My mom, about 2 weeks after the "regular" TV season ends in May, will inevitably ask, "Why was ___ a rerun this week!?" I explain for the thousandth time how TV schedules work, September to May. I then curse myself for going through this again/forgetting that she didn't read Tim Goodman's Chron articles religiously when he was there. (I haven't followed him to The Hollywood Reporter because I'm the laziest human alive. A new link? Pshaw.)

But I always reassure my mother that while Hawaii Five-0 may be on hiatus until the fall, there is plenty of other stuff to watch, mostly on the USA Network. Which she can do while she enjoys the giant case of Smirnoff Ice she bought at Costco and I am left trying to explain why I won't touch them and what icing a bro is. (No, I wasn't adopted. No, I'm not sure how that's possible.)

1. First, because the lovely and talented Beth just put up her Necessary Conversation covering the topic of Showtime's The Franchise: San Francisco Giants, I'll touch on that too. I don't have Showtime so I only saw the first episode, as you all can, for free on Showtime's website. I'm gonna preface this, which I shouldn't need to, that unlike Beth, I actually am a baseball fan and grew up on the Giants. I mean, really, it was unnecessary for me to say that, right? You've been following along, you know this. I love this team and all it's weirdness. That said: I was really disappointed with Showtime's foray into sports. I, frankly, was bored. I longed for the epic soundtrack and overarching storyline that exists in HBO's 24/7 Caps/Pens. Seriously, watch the first episodes of each, tell me honestly which one is better. It's no contest. There was little insight into the Giants organization or its players. There was no real commentary or overarching theme, unless it's "win another World Series" and I felt lost in time and place with what games were when. I just didn't find it all that compelling. I won't say this out loud to anyone because my family already thinks I'm contrarian and ridiculous but, yeah.

2. As mentioned above, most summer fun comes from USA. I'll begin with Suits. I like Suits. I was an early adpoter of Gabriel Macht is hot. (See: A Love Song for Bobby Long, the only good part about that annoying Mandy Moore movie Andy watches all the time that I can't be bothered to look up the name of right now.) The plot of Suits is this: super smart Good Will Hunting type stumbles into interviews for exclusive firm that only hires people who went to Hhhhhaaahvaaahd Law and talks his way into working for the no-nonsense, 3 piece suit wearing bad boy "closer" of the firm (Macht). They learn from each other, one to be a lawyer, the other to care. All good, right? (Also: It's so assy that a firm would ONLY hire Harvard grads. I'm sure that kinda happens in real life, MoFo is probably close, but geezus. Good people go to schools other than Harvard. And yes, I'd still give my left arm to work at a shiny firm like that and make money hand over fist working 140 hours a week and really give up my soul even if I find them assy when not a part of them, mkay? I can be contradictory.)

One teeny tiny quibble: I get willing suspension of disbelief and all but practicing law without a license is like THE one inviolable rule of legal ethics. Verboten. And do you know WHY it's verboten? Because the rest of assholes spent a good deal of time and money making sure we COULD practice law with a license, so you have to too. No 7-figure attorney at fancy Manhattan law firm is going anywhere near screwing with losing his license by allowing people to practice law without one under him. Never. And they haven't made any room in the story line for them to remedy that. He's not going to night school or taking the bar or anything so...? (And because I looked it up, you can take some law school classes without graduating but have enough hours as a clerk to sit for the NY bar exam.)

Once you get past that minor hiccup, the show is pretty good. The rest of the law is pretty sound (though I doubt we go around extorting judges much in real life) (not that I'm an expert in all law ever...or any, but I know a bit. Or so says the degree sitting in an envelope in my closet.), Gina Torres remains gorgeous, and the paralegal is interesting. They made a complication with the bad news best friend of Good Will Hunting's girlfriend but then they sort of dropped it. I'd like them to go there more. Oh, and slick attorney's firm rival is skin crawlingly sleazy.

3. Necessary Roughness. Callie Thorne does screechy New Yorker well. She did it well on Rescue Me before that show just went off the rails and became unwatchable. Now she does it as the frustrated, divorced mother/therapist who finds herself taking on high profile athletes as clients to help with their game. Now, I'm pretty sure the therapy stuff is all kinds of wrong and ethical violations. Still. It's fun. Except they need more of the playing the ponies mother and less of the teenage daughter with no redeemable qualities. Seriously, that girl is an asshole. The show is building a love triangle between her and the team's trainer she had a one night stand with (Marc Blucas) that got her into this business and the team's "fixer". I'm kinda rooting for dark and mysterious fixer guy. Also: I would rock at that fixer job. Anyone know how you get that?

4. Rookie Blue. I'm kind of ashamed to admit I like this. More so than even the USA fluff. But for whatever reason, I'm sort of addicted to Rookie Blue. Which I shouldn't be because, as I'm surrounded constantly by cop stuff and their stories, I usually roll my eyes and change the channel. But I have a mad Missy Pergrym crush started with Stick It and continued on with Reaper. She's very pretty and I want her abs. Just magically. Which is how I want everything. Anyway, the show is set in non-descript town that I think we're not supposed to know is CANADA but it is. It's the story of...wait for it...rookie cops. This includes the brooding teenager from Everwood, and then a bunch of Canadians I've never heard of. The thing I actually like about it is that what should feel like ridiculous romantic entanglements as they all end up dating each other are actually completely realistic. We've got one honest to god love triangle and another I think they're developing. As the daughter of two cops who got divorced and married two other cops who had previously been married to cops? Yeah. It's real. (That's not hyperbole, that is in fact my family tree. I would say it's a matter of time 'til I date a cop but, they all know my parents so I guess I'm sort of off limits.) The police work is tangental to the romantic stuff but I'll deal with it.

5. True Blood This is the guiltiest of guilty pleasures. There is nothing intellectual about True Blood. I've previously discussed many a vampire addiction and this is no exception. I called this female porn in that it's hot guys running around with their shirts off and a little bit of storyline. ASkars Askars Askars. There is a reason our pub trivia name used to always be Sweden's Sexiest Man. It is the 6'4" Norse demi-god. This is why I watch. And this season he is funny. The demonic doll thing is creeping me out and the were-everything is sort of yawn inducing. But like I said: female porn. We're not exactly watching for storyline. (AND HOLY CRAP! I was thinking recently, "I will never be happier when a real life celebrity couple breaks up than ASkars and Kate Bosworth." (Yes, I am aware of my issues.) As I haven't read any gossip this week, while looking for a picture of him to put in this post, I discover they DID! Time to lose a hundred pounds, dye my hair blonde and move to Hollywood, y'all!)

So yeah. That's what I'm doing with my unemployed time. Happy summer fluff TV watching! Muah!

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