Thursday, October 7, 2010

ZOMG! Women have sex and talk about it TOO!

About a week and a half ago a "scandal" broke out at Duke University. A female graduate had the audacity (and stupidity) to write about her conquests while at college. Well, write about is an understatement. A 42 page power point presentation of 13 Duke athletes she had sex with in college. She sent it to a few friends, who sent it to a few friends, and ya know, now the whole world knows about her screwing Duke athletes. Including Good Morning America.

And ya know what? Good. For. Her. Now, emailing it to friends not expecting it to get out amongst more people is perhaps a little naive. Maybe being SO detailed wasn't the brightest idea. But, as someone has been in trouble for her own writing, I think it's fantastic she had the balls to do this.

First off, if a guy did this, there would be a few eye rolls, a couple rib jabs amongst friends, and everyone would snicker. They would tell us, "That's just boys being boys," and shrug their shoulders. The besmirched reputations of every girl on that list would go ignored. It wouldn't even be IN the media. In fact, pretty sure Tucker Max's whole shtick is exactly this. And there are guys out there who aspire to BE the next Tucker Max.

So why vilify a girl for doing it? I wish she hadn't apologized. Maybe apologize for naming names, sure, but overall? Own it, sister. (I hate apologies generally. I hate the "I got caught doing something I wish I hadn't and now I'm going to rehab to amend my ways" thing.) We have a problem with thinking that women could be those in control of their sexual identities, and not just the victims. I'm sure the Sexualization of Women in America is a thesis somewhere in a Women's and Gender Studies major.

Guess what, America? We take control, too. I actually have a list similar to hers, in which I've named names. Its password protected and private but the 3 people that have access could easily ctrl c and publish it if they so desired (it is extremely outdated, for those interested). If not for a general squeamishness in discussing explicit sex (thanks, Catholic school repression!), I might have something similar to this girl.

And I wish I'd been this girl in college. (The decidedly ineloquent Drew at Deadspin defends her with a similar sentiment.) Screw as many Duke athletes as possible? Awesomesauce. I bet those guys have amazing abs. As long as it was a conscious decision and she wasn't a victim and she made a choice, which it seems she does. She seems to own ALL of it. A very healthy sexual identity. If she did it because she enjoyed it? I have no problem with it. I knew enough cleat chasers in college. I didn't respect the girls that only went after athletes (girl from Omaha who chose LSU because we had the "hottest baseball players at the CWS every year), but I certainly wouldn't have complained about bagging an athlete or two, some of them ran in my circles (in fact, just recently relayed the story of my own LSU baseball player, though I didn't sleep with him...though if you've heard me talk you know my basic theory is I regret the ones I didn't sleep with more than the ones I did. He counts).

The point is: America needs to get used to women being as much in control of their sexuality as men have always been entitled to be. That we can snicker and high five each other in the locker room just as much as any guy can. That it's not all relationships and babies and getting married for us either. Wasn't Carrie Bradshaw supposed to show that to the world? Right up to the part where she got all whiny, neurotic and relationship-y herself, I suppose.

Basically, Karen F. Owens, I say come out of hiding, write your book, get your 15 minutes of fame. Stride of pride, baby, stride of pride!

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