Weighty Issues

Alright, I was gonna save this post for later, when I wasn't half asleep on the couch, but there's a stupid Treadclimber infomercial on about how all these people lost a ton of weight and I'm watching Stick It, making me jealous of Missy Peregrym's abs so you're getting it now.

I don't want this to be a dieting blog. Which I said about the old blog. But I think there will probably be a few posts about what's going on health wise here.

I'm not an obsessive dieter/exerciser. I don't need everyone to know what's up with me. It's boring. It's tedious. People obsessive about dieting annoy the crap out of me. Every time my aunt mentions her weight watchers points my mind shuts off. Goes something like this: "The soy cheese is really good. No! Really! It's good." Me, "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." I mean, come on. It's lame. It's like when people recite what happened in their dreams. Are you really interested? No. You either are jealous, because you want to look that way, or you're just irritated at their obsessiveness about it. I generally don't want opinions and advice unless I ask. I know what it takes to do this. Hearing what works for you isn't that helpful for me. Unless I want to hear it. You know me, I generally fly below the radar. If I'm doing something, I'm doing it quietly. (Other than the blog, obvs.) I don't want to talk too much or obsess too much about all this, what I ate, what I haven't eaten, what I wish I could be eating. God, how boring! The people I get really jealous of? The ones that can treat food just as nutrition and not crave things like chicken wings or loaded burritos or In N Out burger.

However: there's a theory that's been developed after several conversations: Considering I'm not a complete idiot, fairly witty, and give good conversation, I'd be damn near unstoppable if I looked like I did in college with the confidence and knowledge I currently possess. I'd like to see if this theory is true.

So I've been busting my ass at the gym. More than usual. I did 9 minute miles the other day on the elliptical. I'm trying to do 50 minutes of cardio four times a week. And I want to push it harder. Harder and harder and harder. I want to see what this body is capable of. I'm definitely more conscious of even having a body than I was when I was in my teens and early 20s. I was a chubby teenager. Always. And then I lost a ton of weight in college but still wasn't aware. And like most girls in their early 20s, thought I was still unattractive when compared to my peers, all those teeny tiny blonde sorority types running around LSU. Like I said: to know then what I know now would have been invaluable. C'est ca.

I've also started trying to eat a little better. More salad. Less french fries. I gave up Dr Pepper. I haven't had one in a week. I wanted one tonight. Instead I mixed V8 splash with some Perrier and that was just fine by me. (I have become addicted to the little ice cream cups in replacement, but we'll work on that too.)

Some myths I want to dispel: It's not easy. Nothing about losing weight is easy. It takes effort. It also takes time. I am one of the least patient people in the world so knowing that this is a long slow process, well, that tortures me. I want to wake up and be skinny tomorrow. I want to get gold stars every time I eat an apple and not tortilla chips. Sure sure, self esteem, feeling better, blah blah blah. You know what I really want? To not own a credit card to Lane Bryant. To fit in "regular" sizes. To get the emails for the sales at Versace and Missoni and DVF and know I can buy something that will fit.

So I'm undertaking this. I'm taking this as seriously as I can. I'm going to be good as I am capable of, which isn't always going to be perfection. I figure, with football starting, I get Saturdays as a cheat day. Too much salad eating and I start to get cranky thinking I'm going to turn into a rabbit, I need a break.

I'll try not to bore you with the details. And there won't be a lot. I refuse to step on a scale, it always bums me out. I don't obsessively track everything I eat. I'm just doing what little I can. But there will be the occasional update, mostly to keep me honest. And if you don't want to read it, well, you don't have to. But do wish me luck. Because man this sucks. (Even with nothing else really going on...)