Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Boys. Sigh.

A few letters sent to the ether because I won't actually send them:

To the boy who sent the death knell text(s) the night after I failed the bar:
Srsly? Wow. THAT was awesome. Thank you. Really. And ya know what? Bad on me for totally not predicting it would end that way. I mean, really, all signs pointed to yeah, that would happen. And bad on me for falling into the age old "Why do girls date assholes?" trope. I was always not that girl. But apparently even I have lapses in judgement (several, apparently) and am susceptible to being *gasp* just like everyone else. Still. You seriously seriously suck and I'm glad I get to see it now and get over it all and stop being ridiculous. I like having my brain back, thanks.

Note: I don't know exactly what the texts said, I read them and was just too hungover/still drunk/shell shocked to process them and couldn't come up with a fantastic witty response either. I haven't felt any desire to revisit them. If anyone would like to take over this duty for me, I'm happy to let you have a gander at my phone.

To the boy that helped me get over failing the bar:
THAT was totally unexpected. No, seriously, it was just... The universe is funny, ya know? Thank you for listening to me ramble and be dramatic and emotional and pretty much completely lose my shit in front of a total stranger. I'd tell you I'm usually more together than that, but, truthfully, I'm not. I had, despite everything that was going on, a really good time. I will now try desperately NOT to run into you again, which I will fail at because San Francisco is freaking small, I go to Philly Club against all better judgment when drunk, and you're house is walking distance from mine. You shouldn't take that personally but just more of my general human failing and inability to deal with awkward situations (also, why do guys NEVER ask for a number? Do you forget? I may be the most ridiculously forward person in most situations but not in the "hey, does he even like me?" ones. I'm so confused by this). Unless you were interested in making the first move in which case I would totally not be opposed, at all (but I'm writing this ON A BLOG, so, ya know, that's not gonna happen).

To the guy who I scared by being overly honest leading to rejection: I thought there was something wrong with me. After several alternate opinions it turns out you're an idiot and I'm not. So: you're an idiot and I'm not. Ahhh. That feels better. I will also avoid you like the plague and you're football team sucks. K thx bai.

David Lee: I don't even like basketball AND you went to UF. But you're cute and seem genuinely nice and considerate of your fellow human beings. I could use more of that. Wanna go out?

To every other boy I will date in the future: You owe me actual dates. No, you do. And from now on I will demand this. Also: the standards are set pretty damn high, and I will be reminded of this every time I hang out/talk to every amazing guy I know. I won't put up with your wishy-washy commitment phobic crap from now on, I got enough of my own, thanks. Also: I got men who show me what a man can be. Chuck is acerbic and funny. Michael listens and makes amazing cocktails. My dad opens doors still. STILL. Andy has amazing one liners and perspective. None of them ever ever ever judge my behavior negatively but are supportive and smart. And this amazing mishmash of men in my life who put up with me makes me realize that some other amazing mishmash of a guy will want to put up with me too. All the too much honesty and ridiculous mouthy-ness and football obsession is right for someone. I'm creating some standards and sticking to them. You're on notice.

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