Saturday night was full of epic stupidness. Crushing rejection. Moronic...something. It was FAIL. And it was my own doing. I made a drunken ass out of myself. What else is new? Wait. Actually. I don't always make an ass out of myself. And when I DON'T make an ass out of myself is when I am with my amazing friends. But I was solo. And solo me is all kinds of retarded. I won't get too into it (most of you know the highlights), but yeah. Let's not do that again, mkay?
Oh: but LSU beat Bama and THAT was fucking awesome! Strutting in my LSU stuff after a big win always makes me happy. Strut strut strut strut. Oh, also, Michael? This. And this. Remember the chance of rain is....NEVER! When the sun finds its home in the Western sky...it is Saturday night in Death Valley! (This made me think: I don't really want to celebrate passing the bar. Fuck the bar. I want to celebrate with you guys watching the Ole Miss game. Will send out an email later...sorry for the digression, everyone else.) Dave didn't realize what a huge LSU fan I was. He made an off handed crack in an email and I came back full force. He was taken aback, that I got upset about that and not the other cracks he made. Um. Yeah. Then he was on the phone with Chuck yesterday while I was screaming in the background. He couldn't believe it. Then today, as I was in my comfy LSU sweatshirt and purple Uggs, he laughs that my nails are painted purple. Why is that surprising? Yeah. He had no idea. We are gonna change that.
I also adore that last night the conversation turned to Michael, Chuck and I going on a trip to a game next season. I told them I already had Florida circled on the calendar, though may have to change that for the grudge match against Auburn. Maybe attending the *no jinx no jinx no jinx* bowl game if it happens to be in New Orleans.
Even after Saturday night, I still had Sunday plans to be back at Michael's to BBQ with Dave, Sara, Chuck and Michael. I woke up pretty sure I was still drunk. My inability to even contemplate tying my shoes leads me to believe that was probably true. My failure at buying ice also leads me to believe that was true. So I show up, talk to Michael and Chuck, mention the failures of the previous night to which Chuck says, "Don't take it to much to heart." Something I appreciate. I also think he worries about me occasionally which I also appreciate. Michael wants the details and listens, offering his own take and advice. Again, I appreciate that. There is never any judgement or telling me I'm an idiot (I got that part covered). They're just my friends.
And then Sara and Dave showed up. I haven't seen them since...Labor Day, I think. And I'm talking to Sara about nothing in particular, I make some offhand remark about being slutty, she makes sort of a concerned face, says not to devalue myself that way, I say I was joking (kinda) and she says, "I thought you were like seeing someone...?" And I say, "Funny you should bring that up. It sort of just fizzled, for whatever reason, but he texted me last night and I gave him what for that I think he deserved." Sara stops and says, "Ya know...I hope you're clear about what you deserve. Because you're like really cool and awesome and chill and you just really deserve to be treated well." Dave is sitting there and sort of starts to laugh and be like, "Whoa!" I look at her, and I know she's really genuine in that moment and I say, in all sincerity, "Thank you. Really. I needed to hear that."Sara and I also talked about the fact that I don't really have a plan for my life. She says that's amazing and being open is really great. I liked her perspective on it because it mostly scares the crap out of me.
Sara is a counselor and she just has this amazing way about her, of saying the right things at the right time. I told her that I try to be that way but that it's not always easy and that some of the behavior I'm not thrilled with but I know why I'm doing it so there is a level of self awareness there. So it was a great moment and I realize that I adore having these people in my life. I feel like I should thank the friend that is no longer my friend for that, because it all traces back to her.
The lesson is: have your friends get your back. Don't go all loan wolf on this shit.
In essence: I love you guys. *single tear, slow clap*
I was really expecting some kind of punchline from you in response to Sara advising you not devalue yourself.
ReplyDeleteSo are you comfortable with being open in your life plan?