Wednesday, November 10, 2010


There's a lot going on in my teeny tiny brain. So LIST!

1. The more I think about the text from The Boy (TB), the more it pisses me off and I want to write some long epic Florida University (that's directed straight at Andy) response.

To back up, for those of you who I didn't explain this to: Saturday after LSU beat Bama (Fuck yeah!), I got a text from TB. I hadn't heard from him in a couple weeks. I haven't seen him since...sometime in August? Frustration turned to disappointment, which turned to apathy. I get it, you don't want to date me. Fine. Whatever. But you don't get to pop in and out of my life when you damn well feel like it.

Except: then he texted on Saturday. I was admittedly pretty buzzed already and on my way to sloppy drunk. So I sent back something cheeky (cuz apparently I'm British. Cheeky? Really?) about wanting to get into some trouble. He demurred, staying home after soccer. To which I replied as only drunken over the BS me can, "Good god you suck. Way to make a, may I say, awesome girl feel totally unwanted." Because I'm sorry, men of the universe? When a girl is asking to spend time with you DO NOT BLOW HER OFF! Like, there's no reason.

He came back with some big giant text message response which I will sum up as, "Blah blah blah, ba blah blah, ba blah blah. BLAH!" Those blahs are actually, paraphrased, "Wahhhhh. I feel guilty for (hanging out) with you and not spending more time with you (sure you do, asshat. If you felt guilty, you would have just, ya know, changed your behavior. [lesson: he's just not that into you]). You shouldn't feel unwanted, don't tag that word on it! (How the fuck else am I supposed to feel?) I haven't even been with anyone else (Um, and? Relevance? And seriously, at this point, is that even believable?)" I would get you the exact words, but I don't really feel like looking at it again. Just...GFY already.

I didn't respond. I figure his piece has been said. I was quickly moving past buzzed and wasn't even sure how to respond. Part of me is tempted to take a few well placed stabs and turn the knife. The awesome, overly patient girl I was through all of this figures that'd be fair. But...I guess there's really no point to doing that. Silent treatment from here on out. Though: reserve the right for a big giant FU if he has the temerity to contact me again. We'll cross that bridge if we get to it, I suppose. In the meantime, I really hope we kick the shit out of his alma mater in two weeks. Yay for revenge via football field!

2. A slight mom rant. I don't want to make this blog all about family. They drive me insane. I love them. They drive me insane some more. It's the way of the world. But last night I'm in my mom's room for, I don't even remember, and she says, "I wish I had your life." I'm like, "Whhhaa?" "Ya know, do whatever you want, have a trainer, work out, don't have to work..." It took all my will power not to have my head explode. First of all, if you read yesterday's post, I'm not exactly in happy happy joy joy land right now. My life is in flux and I find the future terrifying. I'm pissy way more than I'm not. I also don't do whatever I want, as I was sent on 3 errands unrelated to me yesterday. And working out? Um. It's not exactly done out of a love of working out. In fact, working out freaking sucks. But I like eating chicken wings and hate being fat so I've sort of gotten used to it. Also: despite the going to the gym it's not like I'm suddenly size six. The weight loss is negligible. I like feeling good, which is why I do it, but seriously: opposite of fun. I didn't even attempt to interject the "even if I worked 800 hours a week, I'd still make time for the exercise" argument because that's just poking the bear. Anyway, mom, thanks for understanding my terror of the future and for genes that make me fat and for being super jealous of my life. Seriously. Sigh.

And good lord the woman wins an award for passive aggressive behavior. My stepdad is not home tonight, just us two. "Well. I would have asked you if you wanted to go eat with me but you never want to do anything with me so..." GEEZUS! Just say you want to spend time with me! Just say it! And then I would. You aren't going to GUILT me into it! Gahhhh.

3. Dilemma: I have a hard enough time being a girl that acts like a boy towards boys...which will lead to a whole rant about what I want, trying to come to terms with all that...definition of "slutty" in America... why can't I do what boys do? And is that what I want to do anyway? AH! This *may* be hormonally related. Just saying. But it's hard being a girl that's super into football and has a law degree and won't play down just to get attention from a guy. A girl who when a guy says he wants to (see) you again, you respond with a laugh and say, "Please. You don't even know my name!" (Which may have come back to bite me and explain why he didn't want to (see) me again. Seriously though? See end of #1 and man up, Nancy.) I'm just...well...I'm confused about it all, frankly. Which is kind of irrelevant because I'm in hiding 'til next Friday (though the urge to go out tomorrow and erase last Saturday is creeping in). I feel exactly like the girl singing in the first minute of this. Except I have nicer teeth.

4. Um. I'm cleaning my room. Like going through everything. Trying to bring order to chaos, have control over something. I just found the most amazing letter I wrote to the firefighter two summers ago and never sent actually need some of that insight right now. Funny.

5. I don't think soup is food. I'm just saying this because for the past two nights we've had soup for dinner. STEW is dinner. Soup is above the main courses on a menu and thus not actual fill you up food. I have been craving Round Table Pizza. I don't know why, it's awful as far as pizza goes. So when we had more soup tonight, I was disappointed. Especially because I ate salad for lunch. Though: that's probably a good thing re: #2. Also: I do make really good chicken soup. And with this throat tickle, it was nice to eat the soup. Still, I would have liked something of substance but was too lazy to figure out what that was. Yeah, #princessproblems. Bite me.

6. I'm going to Hawaii in two weeks. If anyone has been and has suggestions, they are welcome. I  was last there in '04, I believe, and was in a relationship and not staying at hotel then. I am single, traveling with my family, and staying on Waikiki. I plan on finding some vacation fun. Mostly I imagine this will be dive bars and writing in my journal as I sit solo, as my brother and I get along like oil and water so can't be relied on to go to bars together. I just don't want to spend every night in bed at 10 p.m. cursing a fear to go  out there and cause some mayhem. I mean, it's the LAND of mai tais. We all know I love a mai tai. (It's actually not, either. The mai tai was invented right here in SF.)

7. ... I had something. I got distracted by a gnat. Reserve the right to fill in later.

1 comment:

  1. Who else will teach us about passive aggressiveness besides out mothers?

    NOT going to comment on TB. uGH!

    Before November is up...ok BEFORE Christmas (because I don't know when Hawaii begins and ends): You. Me. Round Table. Magners.