Friday, December 17, 2010

Imaginary Christmas Gifts

For the first time in a long time I am, like the Italians of the 17th century, baaaarooooquueee (nerd joke).

And yet I want to GIVE! Give give give! So, much like the bequeaths you did in high school, (you did do those, right? It's one of the few things our high school did normal like. The snobby hs with no prom kings and queens, no stupid homecoming, no stupid homecoming court [of which I'm grateful for, less chances to feel like a loser]) I'm making a list of what I would give you, lovely people I know, if I had unlimited resources. Enjoy the fantasy as much as I do!

Andy. This one's easy. Because your raised in Central Florida self needs to learn how to eat real fucking food. Seriously. This just depresses me. It's sad. You know what else Andy divulged? Christmas eve dinner is McDonald's. My foodie heart died a little. Sure, I realize you're 20 and can shove whatever you want in your body with minimal side effect...that sounds way dirtier than it was meant to...but that doesn't mean you SHOULD. Sure, I had the advantage of growing up in food snobby San Francisco with parents who took me to fancy restaurants as a child. I was mocked at LSU for balking at chain restaurants. Applebee's commercials make me want to hurl. But we all know my hangover food is chicken mcnuggets, I have a secret love affair with buffalo wings, and In N Out is heavenly so I have my vices as well. It's not all organic squash blossom pizza and vegan fair (lol, like I'd eat at a vegan restaurant). Anyway, point is, with my magical Christmas powers, I bequeath to you, a food week in San Francisco, a mix of the fancy and the not so fancy. Crab diablo at Pacific Cafe. Pasta carbonara at Cafe Puccini. Bullshead burgers. Eating at the bar at Gary Danko, a trip to Woodside for steak Diane at the Bella Vista. Burritos, all those new fancy pizza places, fondue, and of course, a ballgame and garlic fries. And then something homemade that involves Caesar salad. And a trip to the candy store where we know the owners and can raid for whatever we want, including heavenly chocolate dipped Oreos. We would convert you and have you cook more when you got back because everything in Central Florida, which I am sure has it's own charm, would suddenly pale in comparison. Even your beloved Jimmy Johns or whatever it's called.

Michael. A trip on the Orient Express. You, me, Asia, Europe, high class. It'd be DIVINE! We'd be all fancy and get dressed every night and have tons of fantastic cocktails and I'd write Agatha Christie type murder mysteries while there. Le sigh!

Chuck: tickets to the Caps/Penguins Winter Classic. Like really good awesome seats. Even though it means a trip to Pittsburgh, which sounds awful. (What does one even do in Pittsburgh? #westcoastelitism)

Lindsey: A trip back to SF and a place to stay, gratis, while studying for the stupid bar exam. Every day we'd do this together. We'd be bar buddies! Of the not fun variety. We miss you!!!!

Mom: A massage a month at various spas of Northern California or wherever for as long as you want.

Kathryn: You. Me. BNBD in Chicago. (You know why.) Or Mardi Gras. It's right after the bar exam. It would be awesome!

Irene: I don't want to leave you off this list but I can't think of anything perfect so...invent what you think I should give you...knowing it's fully imaginary anyway...

You'll also notice that all of those gifts are things you do and not just things. As I've gotten older, I've learned to appreciate the time I get to spend with people and the things we go out in the world and do rather than some trinket or nicknack.

And since we're on the subject: You know what I want for Christmas? Besides that peasonearth thing everyone is supposed to want? And a waist size small enough to fit into a pair of whatever brand of jeans is currently fashionable (it used to be 7s, I'm not cool so I have no idea what it is now)?

I want my life to actually resemble one of those whacky romantic comedies that I both love and hate myself for watching all the time, thankyouverymuch. Though I'm still waiting for the pony I've been asking for since I was old enough to ask for things and wouldn't mind finally getting that...

1 comment:

  1. Hey, thanks for the week long trip to Disneyland!! I can't wait to go, and it was so nice of you to put me up at the Disneyland Hotel. It's my favorite place to stay down there!