Wednesday, December 1, 2010

You picked the WRONG girl, dude.

I got home from Hawaii last night. This is only relevant in the fact that I went to bed too late and woke up too early.

While going through my starred email I noticed I had received a message on okcupid. Yeah, I belong to an online dating site, fine whatever. The why and how of that isn't important right now. But while online responding to a message from a seemingly nice enough guy, I received an OkCupid instant message from another guy. I try to follow my rules on being nice and polite to everyone and giving them all a shot, as I did with this guy. Even though I could tell from his OkCupid uber scientific algorithm that him and I were only a 45% match. I generally don't want to talk to someone who I have little in common with. But whatevs, what else was I doing?

I have to preface this that I was already over the internet upon return from vacation. People's idiotic comments on the Juan Uribe trade were making me feel stabby. Instead of going into a rant on that, I'll just refer you to this post I wrote previously, all of which still applies.

Additionally, the Cam Newton/NCAA thing was about to blow up (my rant on the NCAA and why it is a systemically flawed organization that should be dismantled would probably be long enough to be published in a law review. [SHERMAN ANTI-TRUST!!!!]). I'm tired, I'm cranky, and I think a majority of people who don't understand the first flipping thing about the business side of sports are serious idiots.

There's your setup. Now: I'm on dating site, get instant message from non-match person. I am including the entire conversation below:

11:41:03 am)idiot:hello there
(11:41:13 am)me:Hi
(11:41:14 am)idiot:very interesting
(11:41:20 am)me:what is?
(11:41:33 am)idiot:huh....somehow, part of my message was deleted, lol
(11:41:43 am)idiot:your profile is quite interesting
(11:42:17 am)me:Oh, well, thank ya.
(11:42:35 am)idiot:so where did you run away to for college?
(11:42:45 am)Me:LSU
(11:42:59 am)idiot:no friggin' way, lol
(11:43:05 am)Redacted idiot:i'm a Tigers fan, too
(11:43:10 am)Me:Yes way.
(11:43:12 am)Me:AWESOME
(11:43:20 am)idiot:only because U of Lafayette's school is way to small to really cheer for.
(11:43:45 am)idiot:i hear there's a huge petition to get rid of Les Miles as soon as they can.
(11:44:01 am)Me:or, ya know, heart breaking depending on the day of week
(11:44:05 am)Me:um, there better not be
(11:44:15 am)Me:he had a 10 win season and he makes every game exciting
(11:44:17 am)Me:I love him
(11:44:54 am)idiot:yeah, there's a group of alumni who've raised the money to buy out the rest of his contract.
(11:45:18 am)Me:Well...I can think of about a million better things they can do with their money
(11:45:28 am)Idiot:only hitch is that they can't justify spending that amount of cash on replacing a football when they're cutting other programs around campus for lack of funding.
(11:46:23 am)Me:I'd like to ask those complete morons who they think they're going ot get right now that would be a BETTER coach than Miles
(11:46:58 am)Idiot:my dad was telling me a few months ago who his replacement would be.....some big name in football, that's for sure.
(11:47:06 am)Me:There's currently no one available in the coaching market who would do a better job than Miles
(11:47:11 am)Idiot:but the politics of cutting educational programs is what's stopping it.
(11:47:22 am)Me:and no one would take a job where the expectations are so high that a ten win season isn't good enough
(11:47:27 am)idiot:i don't follow the coaches that closely to know who they're thinking of
(11:48:46 am)idiot:either way, their championship run is over now after last week's loss.
(11:48:47 am)Me:Well. I follow pretty closely and have sports writer friends and if what you are say is true those people must actually hate LSU, not love it.
(11:49:24 am)idiot:no, my dad says that if you're a true LSU fan, you want to remove Miles .... so it's not LSU haters, according to my dad.
(11:49:46 am)idiot:he's more of a Ragin' Cajuns fan but cheers for LSU as the state's big team.
(11:49:50 am)idiot:like me.

It took about five seconds for my head to explode. Wait. You just kind of called me not a REAL fan? I think the tattoo on my ankle begs to differ. YOU'RE the one that's not a true fan, you ijiot. You go root for your Ragin' Cajuns and leave me the fuck alone (yes, my California friends, that is a real mascot of a real university. Well, "real" university. And you thought a defensive player named Barkevious Mingo was amusing. Ha!). You're the LSU fan that other LSU fans hate: the one with no ties to the school. Some big name football dude? Really? That's what you got? In rereading it I also realize how completely asinine it is that he's QUOTING HIS FATHER'S OPINION and not coming up with his own.

Here's the thing: any of you that have seen me watch college football know that I take this shit for serious. I may not always know the out-routes or the exact play but when it comes to college football in general and my team in particular, I know my shit. I know who is in, who is out, and what's going on. I read up on the comings and goings. I PLAN VACATIONS AROUND FOOTBALL GAMES! So don't you DARE talk down to me just because I'm a girl. Ever. I mean, I spelled Barkevious Mingo right. Without looking. I know more in my pinky finger about LSU football than you do in your entire body. Don't tell me I'm wrong. Which you only feel comfortable doing because I am female. You would never step to a male friend like that.

So after five minutes of internet politeness, douche was unceremoniously blocked. Did I mention his screenname had "cuckold" in it. Yeah. Winner. Related: online dating is the worst thing ever.

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