Hiding

I'm still recovering from the burning shame of Saturday night. I feel REALLY stupid. Which, considering all the stupid shit you guys know I am capable of, is saying something. I get the genesis of it, in my self analyzing way, but still...it was pretty dumb and deflating.

Also: Bar results come out shortly. I don't want to dwell on it. Dwelling on it leads to drinking which leads to the stupid decisions which leads to the shame. It's the ccciiirrrccllleee of liiiifffeeeee!

I was starting to secretly, silently in my uber-superstitious, non-jinx juice, crazy kind of way, getting pumped about bar results. People have faith in me! It's gonna be finnneee. Then I read my blog post about the bar exam. Yeah. THAT was a bad idea. Make the sound of air being let out of a balloon. That's exactly how I feel. Wow. So I get to just sit here and be anxious until results come out in ten days? How much fun is that!?! Thanks, State of California Bar Examiners! Totally appreciate that!

So excuse me if I am hiding under the covers until that happens and ignoring everyone. I don't want to think about it. I sure as fuck don't want to talk about it. It's hard NOT to think about it, but I don't want to think about it. At all. Nope. Not thinking about it. (Totally thinking about it.)

I don't really want to hide under the covers, either. I would like to be out there savoring this fall weather and getting back to that "Let's go DO stuff!" me I was a mere three weeks ago but...meh. That's about all I got. Meh. Which is how I cover up all consuming anxiety.

Things currently making me anxious:
1. Asian Carp
2. Pregnancy (Something I am definitely NOT, to be clear, but fuck that Kaiser ad gives me nightmares. Allison Janney's voice scares me in it. The commercial is even scarier. Like anyone taking a pregnancy test isn't between 16-35 and hoping to god NOT to be pregnant. Idiots.)
3. The disaster area that is my room and where to even begin to tackle it
4. THE FUTURE
5. Bar exam results. Obvs.
6. Chocolate shortages?! WTF, universe?!
7. The possibility, amazing hypothetical possibility, that puts LSU in the BCS National Title game. (I'm pretty sure this is like a billion to 1. Since the likelihood of going to and then winning our conference championship game is slim to none as Auburn has a pretty good lock on the SEC West, and even the BCS isn't stupid enough to put a school that didn't win it's conference championship in the national championship game assuming Auburn lost that game to a weak SEC East, I don't think this happens. And we still have 3 regular season games to win and I could totally see Arkansas playing spoiler in this scenario. Fucking college football.)

Alright, that's my short rant on all things right now. I hope it explains crankiness over the next ten days. Basically, I'm just apologizing in advance for hating everything. Cuz that's how I roll, bitches!

I have to go make soup now. Something I really don't feel like doing. I really want to eat pizza and watch bad TV. Which I might do tomorrow. Cuz I CAN!

That is all.