Downward Spiral

Cut for excessive whining
We're on one of those awesome downward spirals. I've been sick for what feels like forever. FOREVER. I finally thought I was better yesterday, having licked this with a shit ton of sleep, only to be kept awake last night by the inner workings of my brain and what I am imagining is hard core sinus issues. I went to the gym yesterday too, which instead of alleviating the problem seems to have only exasperated it.

Dear Body: W.T.F.?!?

I've been doing it RIGHT. I haven't had an alcoholic beverage since Christmas. I haven't been eating junk food. I've been taking vitamins for god's sake! And still. Plagued. So now I'm annoyed, and angry, and pissy and when my head hurts I can't function very well, let alone concentrate so this pushes back studying too. I don't want that to be an excuse. I want to study! I want to pass this stupid piece of crap test that is now costing me $1200 and a lot more in lost income/sanity. Grumble.

I'm ready to just give up. Fuck it. My body is apparently always going to be something I loathe (LOATHE) so I'm just gonna give into all my cravings for all the junk food I could possibly want and just...ya know...whatever. Maybe eating crap will actually make me feel better? (It's highly faulty logic, I know, but at this point I'd try just about anything.)

My chest will not stop rattling, no matter how much I change my position on the bed. And ALL I wanted was to go enjoy the LSU game tomorrow at a bar with actual people. And now that doesn't even seem like it's possible. *pouts*

AND MY IDIOT BROTHER OF ALL PEOPLE JUST WALKED INTO THE HOUSE HE DOESN'T LIVE IN AND JUDGED MY BEHAVIOR! I want to stab something.

Oh, wait, now he called me a raging bitch after I told him to mind his own fucking business when he said, "Good job walking the dog" when I took the dog out to pee. I didn't NEED to walk the dog, I needed to take the dog out to pee. Not that he would know anything about it because, ya know, he's never walked the dog a day in his life. He then pulled out his "Who pissed in your cheerios?" line. I told him, "I already told you I don't feel good! And I don't need you coming over here judging my behavior when you don't even live here." He retorts, "I came in and you didn't even say hi!" This should show you how much he's a baby. God forbid you don't say hi. Which, by the way, I did, he probably just didn't hear me. So I go on a rant. "I did say hi. Then you said 'What are you DYING?' as you heard me coughing from the other room THEN made a comment about me studying. NONE of it is any of your business. Stop being a judgmental ASSHOLE!" Then I went to my room and shut the door to which he's like "Gawwwwwwddd" from the other room. He leaves and sarcastically says, "Goodbye, SISTER. I hope you feel better." Ya know what? Fuck. Off.

Forget it. I'm going back to sleep until I feel better. And then I'm going to figure out where to study for this stupid test that isn't my house because I am SO over this place.

Which reminds me: last night I went on the "I freaking hate San Francisco and am not staying here after I pass this test" rant with her. For which I think she thinks is hyperbole. It's not.

Gggggggaaaaaaaaaahhhh.

OH, and my brother's best friend comes over five minutes after he leaves. No one tells me this. I'm in sweats and a t-shirt with no bra. Awesome. As I go to help him in the back of the house (I manage to throw on a bra first) our other neighbor drives up the back alley and wants to have a conversation. During which he wishes me "Good luck on the bar...this time."

I hate today. I hate it so hard.