Friday, January 14, 2011


I was rocking the past two days. Gym, study, eat healthy. Then last night I got sucked down the Hulu wormhole, had weird dreams wherein I made up entire scenarios of me dating Brooks Laich (he's my new gorgeous man crush. He plays  hockey. He hits other people. Hard. I find this totally attractive). I have included a picture of him below for your perusal. He also has an amazing Canadian accent and is from a town called "Regina", which we all know is one of the most fun Canadian towns to say the name of. (It rhymes with lady bits. Giggle. [I am a 15 year old boy])

If I was any good with photoshop there would be speech bubble where he asks to go out with me.

Anyway, despite the Brooks Laich made up dating scenarios (god I need a life), I didn't sleep well, slept too late and am back to my "Gah I don't want to do this!" mood today. 

So, since this is my universe, and mine alone, things currently bothering me (List time!):

1. I suddenly have a tooth ache in my right lower tooth. I have no insurance. AWESOME! I'm hoping this is temporary and will go away shortly. I've had the same dentist my entire life and he's actually really great so despite the not having insurance, if the issue persists, I'm sure we'll figure something out. 

2. Hair. Last summer when I was studying for the bar, I let my hair get all ridiculous and unmanageable because, well, I didn't care. So then right after the bar I wanted all the unhealthy hair gone so I cut off like a good 8". It's grown back but is still shorter than I'd like it. I want like mounds of long curly brunette hair. Like I see in TV. Which is probably weaves anyway but have I learned nothing if not to have ridiculous aspirations of beauty as presented by the media? Anyway, brown ridiculous blown out mounds of brunette curls isn't gonna happen because I need to cut off all the dead stuff again but it's seriously not on the list of priorities/things I can afford right now. I also throw my hair up in a ponytail way more often than I should so it's all broken and in need of hot oil treatments and blah blah blah. Guys have it like a THOUSAND times more easy in this department. Any guy reading this is like "LOL wuck?" Or not. You all have preferences of how you LIKE hair, you just don't freaking have to deal with it. I cut my own bangs the other day because those were driving me crazy and that was seriously ill advised. I don't even want my wispy bangs anymore but stupid dead ends. 

3. I've just gone on for a good 500 words about HAIR. For fuck's sake.

4. Diet and exercise. I've been rocking the exercise thing for awhile. I had a setback when I was sick at the new year but I'm getting back to it this week. It sucks trying to get back to where you were pre-illness. It's like, "Wait, I could do 90 minutes no problem a week ago and now I want to pass out after 15? Seriously?" I've also been eating well the past two days (which, seriously, I want a medal for but then have to be realistic and be like, 'it's 2 days, you idiot, do it for longer') and I feel, ya know, GOOD. But here's the problem: THIS WILL NEVER END! I will not magically wake up and BE a size six. That's just, unfortunately, not how it works. I won't suddenly get to gorge myself on all the In N Out I could ever possibly want and not have it go right to my thighs. Not to sound all fatalistic but: geezus what's the point?? I like feeling good. I want the body I want. But just. This is going to be a never-ending cycle of good health and diet and exercise and wow that seems AWFUL. And tedious. And boring. Not that that'll stop me from doing it, I'm just pointing out the viciousness of it and cursing the genetics in my family that made us large people. Screw you, genetics! 

4a. My skin is broken out like I'm a teenager. Really? That's awesome. Thanks. 

5. The bar the bar the bar. I'm feeling very defeatist today. Just, what the fuck is the point? I just want to give up and whine about it. "I cannnn'tttt doooo thissss." I want to tell my mother I'll make whatever the fuck she wants because there is no point to me even pretending to attempt to study because I'm never gonna be able to pass this and Wahhhhhh. I know. I need to stfu and carry on but man this sucksssss. Everyone in my family thinks I'm retarded anyway so what the hell ever. I dunno. I'm even internally giving myself the "Get the fuck over it, man!" speech in my head as I type this but I just wanna watch romcoms and eat fast food and be left alone today, curled in the fetal position wondering what other poor life decisions besides going to law school I have made to lead me to this point. I won't. I have to study. Maybe some fresh air and a good meal will help? 

6. My mother. If there was a gold medal for passive aggressive behavior and Catholic guilt she'd win. HANDS DOWN. And probably every other mother in the Sunset too, but they aren't MY mother. She's still not talking to me. She thinks this is punishment. I think this is bliss. I got what I wanted all along which was to just be left alone to study and not have her screaming through the house every ten minutes "LIIIISSAA!!" to tell me some other inane little tidbit like "Have you entered the HGTV home give away today?!" She means well and I know this but maybe she also doesn't mean that well for me if she can't, ya know, respect what I'm doing? And while I'm enjoying this complete silence and time to be left alone, I also know the flip side of this is that at some point either she or I blow up at each other. That's always super happy fun time. Family: not being chosen by you since the dawn of time. 

Imma go drink some more tea and ponder the universe. Or something. 

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