Wednesday, February 2, 2011


I have discovered that studying in silence is a special kind of hell. My mind wanders and I think about what my life will be like and plot the future and outline the great American novel in my head. I make grocery lists and wonder about TV plots and that movie I saw that one time that had that girl I like. I obsess about paying back my loans or how to possibly answer these questions and a giant tumbling cascade of "what ifs" fill my cerebral cortex. Focusing is impossible.

This time I have also eschewed the movie scores I usually use, as also being distracting as I relate music to the scenes they are associated with, in favor of good old fashioned classical music. When I study in the kitchen, where we have a sirius satellite tuner, I listen to the Pops channel. All the classical music you know because it's been in movies or played at weddings or what have you is on the Pops channel. I also love the classical channel DJs because they are so adorably pretentious. The afternoon guy can never just say "Bak" like the rest of us say but insists on saying "Ba(throaty about to cough sound)". When I'm in my room I set up a Pandora playlist of most of the composers I hear on the Pops channel. My notes actually have scribbled on them the names of composers to add to the Pandora list when I get to my room. Today I was looking up easements and came across "Saint-Saens".

I find the music all very soothing and I like picturing different people playing the different instruments, the way you drag the bow across a violin, quickly and sharply or long, slow movements creating differing sounds. Of particular amusement was the anvils and hammers in some song sirius played. It's also not as distracting. Sure, my mind still wanders (that's why I'm here!), but not as much.

What I find most adorable about this whole classical music floating through the house is that if I turn the Sirius channel on in the kitchen and then leave, my mom and stepdad will continue to listen to it. I like to think they're becoming more enamored with it as it plays, but really I know they aren't paying any attention. Le sigh.

I would very much like to go to the symphony when this is all over with. I haven't gone to an actual show at Davies probably since high school when it was compulsory (snobby private school, ftw!). And we didn't see anything difficult or overly dramatic then, usually just Peter and the Wolf. It's time to start doing the artsy stuff.

My mother was driving me to murder today, but a couple deep breaths and amazing friends and I feel better. The internal panic of the fact that this test is approaching is starting to tick up and I feel more and more anxious but trying to quell it with hard work. Something I am utterly not used to.

I am also learning the value of getting outside. My back starts to tighten up if I sit here too damn long. I walked the great highway yesterday and was just giddy the whole time for fresh air and the fact that it's sunny and fantastic and I hit watching the sun set. Of particular amusement was the surfer type dad with the stroller, toddler on top, 12 pack of Coors on the bottom. Beast! No going outside today, as I am already behind on the studying (perpetually), but tomorrow I am hoping to start doing all of this earlier in the morning and get a better jump on things so I have time.

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