Sunday, February 13, 2011

Miss Independent

THE most hysterical thing happened late last night that has me lolz-ing right now. - My true love is out there somewhere and they can go fuck themselves

I don't know what inspired me to do this but, it was 2 a.m. and I'd just finished watching the Community Valentine's Day episode, so I had a fleeting thought of, "Hmm. Maybe there's someone out there right now who is perfect for me and wants to chat..." I logged in to dating site and immediately thought, "Wait, what am I doing here?" But before I could hit the close tab X, I got an IM. From the idiot from last summer.

It was so ridiculously passive aggressive I had to laugh. I sat in bed shaking my head. And despite it being 2 a.m. on a Saturday night, I was (and have been for over a month) stone cold sober. "Are we ever gonna talk?" Ummmm, Wha? I didn't know we were supposed to? Which is basically what I said, something to the effect of "Phone works both ways, you were free to get in touch with me if you wanted, I had no idea you wanted to talk to me." He spouted some nonsense about being sorry, handling things poorly, yadda yadda yadda. Oh and he said, "I got mad and deleted your number and couldn't find it." Anyone (all of you) who have ever taken stalking/ill advised booty call 101 know the work around is to pull up your cell phone bill and find the number. So I told him that. I got a sad face "I'm an idiot" response.

I cut him off. I said, Look: I'm taking the bar in the week, I got other things to deal with, if you want to talk to me, here's my email address, you can find me after the 25th. Before that? No dice.

The hysterical part is, after pondering it for like fifteen seconds, I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HIM! I gave him an option to talk to me and then it dawned on me, "AHAHAHAHA. No." Sober, self confident, ridiculous, assertive me? She's kinda awesome and super proud of herself right now. Dude? Was kind of a giant ass that I let slide with too much because I got all "teehee" about everything in a fit of being a retard about dating. (Seriously, he told me during Day 2 of the bar that he wasn't looking for a relationship. So on Day 3 instead of focusing on essays, I was creating counter args to that in my head. Why doesn't he waannntt meeeeee? (trust me, I would have failed anyway. It was still an assy thing to do))

Hindsight being 20/20? I like the me I described above, thanks. And I am super confident in the fact that I don't NEED a man. I'm not one of those girls. If someone wants to be with me and I want to be with them? Sure! Trying to force someone to realize I'm worth the effort? Hopefully NEVER again. Dude made no effort. It was basically a no strings situation. We didn't date so much as hook up. Whyyyy would I want that now? AND! We didn't even hook up as much as I would have liked! So yeah. Just. No. I'm gonna hold out for something better, thanks.*

Additionally: everything that was awesome that happened last summer/fall had nothing to do with him. In fact, was in direct opposition to him. Went to New Orleans and had fun. Went to fleet week and had fun. Went to soooo many Giants games. The night with Beth at Lorenzo's/Bar None. Watching football games with the boys. This guy never met my friends. Like I said, it wasn't really dating. But I spent a lot of effort, energy, and words on it despite evidence to the contrary. Hey, I can be stupid and girly too. I'll own this. In fact:

I'm not blameless. I relied on the crutch of alcohol to be bold which generally just left me looking like a mess. I wasn't my truest self. I'll shoulder that responsibility for sure. And he obviously wasn't ALL awful, just, why would I revisit this?

This all went down in November, by the way. As one of the least sentimental people in the world, I put my past in my behind*. I've all but forgotten about it. And shaded it negative to thoroughly move on. You want to talk to me NOW? Think we're in the land of too little too late. I would email him this but frankly? I don't think it's worth the energy. Studying seems like a better use of my time.

I told him he could email me (not even call, email) me after the 25th. He says, "Okay. In the meantime you can feel free to call or text me or whatever." My response? Totally different than the response he would have gotten in November when I was trying to be the most amazing girl ever? "Giggle. You think you're the only one that deletes phone numbers? I'm going to bed. Later!"

And I signed off.

*paraphrased movie quotes

**I found that someecard after I posted this and I laughed SO hard out loud. HYSTERICAL. I think it nicely sums up my feelings right about now.

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